| (no subject) |
[Jul. 20th, 2009|11:05 pm] |
| [ | I Feel |
| |  blank | ] |
this is hard to bear.
i miss him so much that even when he calls, i realized i dont have much to say.
cos it already hit the point whereby i want him to be next to me and no words are needed to be said.
his physical presence is needed, yet it cant be done.
i realized i am gonna miss this fucking free lifestyle i have now..
and suffer inside with all the trainings and discipline and restrictions.
i miss you so much baby. i just wish you are here with me.
it seems i will always feel assured with you.
this will be tough. i can already feel the pressure hitting on us.
i will stay strong i promise you. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 24th, 2009|05:04 pm] |
confused. lost. doubts. disappointments. upset.
all these can cause serious insomnia.
it felt like as if i dont wish to sleep, and all i wish is for daytime to come.
night time is too.... idk.
that feel is just so... i cant explain.
i dont know how to.
perhaps im too used to being alone.
i dunno how to behave if i have someone special.
or perhaps im just selfish. afraid. scared.
ohwells. in times like this, it's tough.
i can hardly breathe. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 10th, 2009|04:30 pm] |
| [ | I Feel |
| |  chipper | ] |
life seems pretty interesting now. or i am just lying to myself.
i dont wanna admit, cause it's too early to tell for sure.
but i hope it will turn out fine. time is running outttt.
i honestly think i am a very easy target to get shoot by my friends.
like everyone anyone can do so, as long as you are my friend i wont mind.
see i am such a nice person.
if one day my pri sch frens meet my poly frens and joined hands together to shoot me,
really, might as well stab me and let me die lah. it will be my world end.
but i admit i always just laugh along with them and had fun.
i am really a nice person.
okay enough of flattering myself.
back to my boys over flowers drama. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 31st, 2009|05:44 pm] |
| [ | I Feel |
| |  disappointed | ] |
i am walking away.
i dont want to be like a fool.
i'm already am.
it's enough. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 29th, 2009|04:55 am] |
i am really stupid.
can someone slap me? |
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| note to self. |
[May. 25th, 2009|11:01 pm] |
| [ | I Feel |
| |  nostalgic | ] |
DO NOT cry myself to sleep tonight.
no more such treatment to self. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 25th, 2009|03:42 pm] |
| [ | I Feel |
| |  determined | ] |
i wanna club.
i wanna get drunk.
i wanna sheesha and smoke.
i wanna get high.
i wanna get lost within my own mind.
i wanna get wasted.
if all these is what it takes for me to forget you, i will.
even if they will kill my body slowly,
i will. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 25th, 2009|12:56 am] |
stop.
reflect.
forget.
gone.
if only it's that easy.. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 18th, 2009|05:10 am] |
| [ | I Feel |
| |  infuriated | ] |
i should not still be not OVER IT.
i should bloody hell MOVE ON.
i probably should STOP fucking getting emo about it.
i should probably knew you dont even give a SHIT anymore.
i really should just be selfish and HATE YOU for all these craps,
but i probably know i cant let myself do so,
and honestly i should stop lying to myself that we are still friends,
cause this is so fucking fake. i so fucking hate myself as well.
probably i hate myself more than i hate you now.
cause i am wasting my time thinking about all these shits over and over again,
when i think you dont even give a damn about it anymore.
see how fucking vulgar i am but i dont fucking care.
i am gonna stop thinking and pretending.
i fucking will i swear.
if you are not here now, you'll never will.
so you know what? BYE.
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| (no subject) |
[May. 15th, 2009|12:53 pm] |
sometimes it's the ones that you least expect to make you laugh,
really did made you laugh out loud.
i am glad at least i got bunch of friends who are as kuku as me,
so when they laugh at me, i can really laugh along with them as well.
felt so happy and all by laughing.
i really like laughing then emo-ing.
im sure im alright,
but i guess it's better not to think about it anymore.
but i suddenly feel so frustrated now.
that i can cry,
fuck PMS is acting. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 6th, 2009|02:51 am] |
yes i am leaving all these behind me.
yes i did regret about what i did one year back.
but i did not regret what i did one month back.
and im happy at least things doesnt seems that bad between us now.
i know my life still got so much more for me to discover.
i know i wont get what i always want.
but either i will find a way, or i will make one. ((: |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 4th, 2009|04:42 am] |
i totally surrender. im a fucking liar.
i cant tell myself i can be okay. and i can be alright.
it is so hard, to even forget. why cant i just dont remember it for now.
it's already been like a month plus even,
and what am i doing, i still cant let it go.
i still think about it, i can even cry over it.
i hate being so. i hate myself more again.
why cant i be like others who can move on so easily.
why why why why why |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 1st, 2009|01:58 pm] |
tell me it's right, to indulge in something wrong yet that can make you feel so good.
be it drinking, smoking or anything, i think i will try them all one day.
except that im a alcoholic already, for those who know me.
so it doesnt kills if i make more mistakes right?
every time i wanna do something wrong,
my consciences hits me hard.
this time round it's the same.
i know i will regret,
but i just need something else to fill my mind.
something else to be regretful of.
and this seems to be a very good price to pay.
i wanna forget,
but i know something else will hit me and it'll all be the same again. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 6th, 2009|01:36 pm] |
there was many thoughts running through my head.
i felt like just blurting out them when i come here to blog.
but it's too much to say. like somehow i suddenly lost track of what's there to say.
in my head i can see alot of images. they just cant stop flashing.
i felt short of breath. oh not again.
and i hate rainy day. |
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| i dont understand. |
[Apr. 5th, 2009|11:09 pm] |
every time i tried to run away, i always get reminded of it.
it's a vicious cycle i realized;
he like me, but i like him, yet he might like someone else.
HA HA HA to 3 of us. It formed an unknown love triangle without me knowing,
something that i never thought i'll land myself into.
i wont let this go on.
this is why i chose to be cruel to him.
i know how painful it is to stay lingering over someone.
like how somewhere tinybit inside me still hoped for him, when the truth was so blunt for me to see.
but the more i cant understand it, the more i am hopeful.
another standing ovation for me man, i am such a drama queen.
my life IS boring, yet complicated unseen.
this is crap. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 5th, 2009|02:26 pm] |
it's not easy not to think. it was hard.
especially when i dream of it last night.
it just shook me. and sometimes i cant imagine it, yet i can sometimes.
this is scary. like every simple things i can just be reminded of it.
Weekend is hard to get by. there's many more coming.
i dont wish to be reminded of it.
but if i dont, i wont learn. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 3rd, 2009|11:48 pm] |
sometimes i wonder what am i doing.
what do i wanna achieve in life.
there seems to be so much i wanna do. yet so freaking little time.
i hate it. i wanna be firm. but somehow my motivation keeps melting away.
i really feel like leaving this place and go on a holiday.
i know i am selfish, leaving my parents here and go gaga myself.
but dont blame me, sometimes i think because i know too much about life and reality,
i cant just settle for live one day at it goes, like what my parents are doing.
too much bad memories here sometimes, that's why people choose to leave.
but i know i am weak. i am a sucker for people i care here. this is why i always ended up getting hurt.
i know i want my life to be good, i know my own future is in my own hands.
but future, it seems so bleak.
i knew it will be tough.
i knew somehow someday somewhere will remind me of it.
i just never knew how the ending will be like.
i just never thought so it will be like this.
too much over-confidence and assumptions kills.
i am healing abit too fast i know, being too happy and eating back and sleeping back what i've lost.
i want people to know i can handle it, that i am back to the same old me.
and now suddenly the memories rushed back into my head, future images that i dreamt of fell into place.
just that it aint gonna be real. it's too good to be real.
i am perfectly fine, just that sometimes i just cant help but feel lost.
like a misunderstanding. simple as that.
sorry, i've learnt my lesson.
i wont make such mistake anymore, this i promise myself so.
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 2nd, 2009|11:04 pm] |
sometimes it's moment like this that i feel so speechless.
i dont know why. the feeling just hits me.
i guess i am just too tired.
i feel nothing. emotionless. not even sad.
i cant even think about anything. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 23rd, 2009|02:45 am] |
i wanted to blog.
so i gave up wanting to sleep and came here to blog.
but then i realized there's nothing i can say.
what for saying so much.
i guess my insomnia caused me this damn bad mood.
i need joy laughter smiles fun.
anyone can offer them for free? |
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